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`H` ][ Quibbler ][ 24/06/2012; `H`
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Topic Started: Jun 24 2012, 12:07 PM (350 Views)
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Toxis
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Jun 24 2012, 12:07 PM
Post #1
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:)
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Cover  (Sorry about the sucky cover, I'm horrible at this stuff ;P.)
Page 1 | Save the squids charity STOLEN |
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 | STSQ (Save the squid charity) was recently robbed, and all the funds towards it were stolen. Thousands of poor squibs are now grieving for their money to return, and they're all staying in the Grand'Presto arena as temporary homes.
No one knows who took the money, but the main suspect is Jeremy Hobson, a first year hufflepuff.
We as here at the quibbler, that you great wizards help to raise money for these poor squibs. We must get JUSTICE. |
Page 2 | Rumors of wizarding marathon? |
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 | There's chatter about a wizarding marathon ahead of us around the wizarding area.
We don't know a lot about it yet, but we suspect it'll be for charity. Will this be a way to help the squibs?
When this marathon comes upon us, will you be willing to take part?
We will be! |
Page 3 | Professor Hates kids! |
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 | Rumor has it, Bella Mcgonagall, Hogwarts transfiguration professor HATES kids!
We over heard her talking to herself whilst she was marking homeworks.
"Smelly little runts they are, Urgh I hate these rats!"
After staying a little longer, we heard her say the following.
" I'll kill them. I'll have world domination, and they'll all be gone."
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES KIDS. |
Page 4 | Lack of Mandrakes |
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 | Recently, there's been a lack of mandrakes! No one's really sure about how they're just lowering in numbers, but this isn't good!
Luckily, hogwarts still has a nice amount for their herbology lessons, although we predict in the future that there's going to be a very large struggle to get them.
We encourage everyone who is in possession of one to keep it in great shape, for one they may be worth a lot one day, and for seconds they're going to be extremely rare.
LOOK AFTER THEM. |
Page 5 | GARDEN GNOME ATTACKS BOY. |
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 | (Sent in by Merlin)
Danger: Gnomes! by Bomhrilicus Fletcher
A great philosopher and utter genius by the name of Xenophilius Lovegood once said that the saliva of Gernumbli gardensi, or garden gnomes, could increase one's creativity. Last week, I went out into my garden to search for gnomes. My aim was to collect saliva and apply it, so as to improve my Quibbler articles. I wasn't sure how to apply it, so I assumed I could just slather it on my nipples and be done with it.
I ventured out into my garden, and sure enough, I found a colony of gnomes squabbling over a worm. They were all between 6 inches and 1 foot tall. I reached down and grabbed one by the leg, and lifted it high into the air. It had brought the worm and a staff with it. It started screaming in what I assume was Gnomish, then it threw the worm at my chin and spat in my eye. I wiped the spit from my eye, reached into my shirt and wiped it on my chest, and thanked the gnome for its assistance.
Seemingly indifferent to my thankfulness, it continued to scream. Maybe it didn't understand English. It used its free leg to kick my thumb, and its staff to weaken each of my remaining fingers. I was, of course, in pain. So, in retaliation, I punched the gnome right on the nose, and instantly knocked it out. I took the opportunity to reach into its mouth and gather as much saliva as I could, and wiped it on my chest.
The other gnomes had seen the whole thing, and were apparently offended that I'd attacked one of their species. They dropped a second worm they had found, charged at me, and went straight for my shins. You'd think that being under a foot tall, these gnomes couldn't do much damage. Well that's entirely wrong. Those little floppy-wanded dementor-boggerers kicked, scratched and bit my shins so much, I fell to my knees. Then they started going for my calves, except one who went straight for my quaffles. I elbowed that son of a banshee right on the top of his head, and he went out like a candle. I managed to reach for my wand, and stunned the lot of them.
I realized that I had a chance to gather a lot of gnome saliva, so I got up and ran inside and grabbed a bucket, ran back out and extracted saliva from each individual gnome. I threw all the gnomes over the hedge before they could cause any more trouble once I was finished, then I quickly went back inside and locked my door. I've applied all the saliva, hopefully I should see results and an increase in creativity.
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Page 6 | Lost and found. |
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A month has now passed, and poor, young Maggie Oakley has still failed to find her blue shoes, with pink laces.
We're praying for her here at the quibbler, and we really hope she finds it so soon.
Please, please, please look out for them. They're really special shoes, because they're so pretty.
On a brighter side, Professor Nargle has finally found her pet rock. She gave it a nice glass of orange juice, and we're happy to say it's healthy and fine. |
Page 7 | HEAD BOY FRIEND TRY OUTS |
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 | Yesterday night, the head boy lost a friend. He's been very lonely. So now, he'll be hosting friend try outs. He only wants a cool friend who'll give him money, so if you're very uncool and poor don't you dare turn up.
The head boy is most likely to be the best person ever, so he'll be doing you a favour by letting you even speak to him. |
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Elliott
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Jun 24 2012, 12:16 PM
Post #2
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watch yourself
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great first article!, i'll put you on the staff list soon as I get mod rights dude, or until then I'll ask aaron to add you on! xD mint
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Xenon
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Jun 24 2012, 12:26 PM
Post #3
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|-- 💋 --|
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Nice
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Keira
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Jun 24 2012, 01:10 PM
Post #4
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I go through guys like money flyin' out the hands, they try to change me but they realize they can't
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- Toxis
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On a brighter side, Professor Nargle has finally found her pet rock. She gave it a nice glass of orange juice, and we're happy to say it's healthy and fine.
lmfao.
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Saph
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Jun 24 2012, 01:16 PM
Post #5
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Care of Magical Creatures Queen
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I like it but you could have made the Pages a bit bigger. But I like the coding :).
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Drago
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Jun 24 2012, 01:39 PM
Post #6
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Immune
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Great work!
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Toxis
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Jun 24 2012, 02:03 PM
Post #7
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:)
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:3
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Lydia
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Jun 24 2012, 02:33 PM
Post #8
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Property Of Hannah
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WTF BELLA MCGONAGALL LOVES KIDS SHE DOESN'T HATE THEM YOU'RE CRAZY OMG SHE ADORES THEM!
IT'S A LIE KIDS, DONT BELIEVE IT!
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Hannah.
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Jun 24 2012, 02:37 PM
Post #9
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Harry Potter. ♥
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Ahah. This is amazing. ;3
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KaylaJordanSkye
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Jun 24 2012, 03:45 PM
Post #10
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- Toxis
- Jun 24 2012, 12:07 PM
A month has now passed, and poor, young Maggie Oakley has still failed to find her blue shoes, with pink laces.
We're praying for her here at the quibbler, and we really hope she finds it so soon.
Please, please, please look out for them. They're really special shoes, because they're so pretty.
Cries so much :c
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Toxis
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Jun 24 2012, 04:22 PM
Post #11
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:)
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:c
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Drago
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Jun 24 2012, 04:30 PM
Post #12
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Immune
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- Lydia
- Jun 24 2012, 02:33 PM
WTF BELLA MCGONAGALL LOVES KIDS SHE DOESN'T HATE THEM YOU'RE CRAZY OMG SHE ADORES THEM! IT'S A LIE KIDS, DONT BELIEVE IT!
Yep she's marrying Lanx Scamander since she agreed to being his bish.
-Nod
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Lydia
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Jun 24 2012, 04:37 PM
Post #13
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Property Of Hannah
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Lies, Drago, lies.
Who'd marry you, you ugly piece of fat lump?
;; I'm joking Drago, I love you really :3 ;;
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Joel.
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Jun 24 2012, 04:39 PM
Post #14
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j.a.r.v.i.g & j.a.r.v.i.b <3
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All marragies need to be cleared with me first DRAGO
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Olivia
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Jun 24 2012, 05:26 PM
Post #15
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Not bad, I like it! Keep up the good work. ;D
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8:48 AM May 20