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1) Men are not Mind Readers

2) Learn to work the Toilet Seat. (You're a big girl. If its up, then put it down. You want it down and we want it up, but you don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.)

3) Shopping is not a sport, nor will we ever think of it that way.

4) Crying is blackmail

5) Ask for what you want. (Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints Do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

6) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

7) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

8) If something we said can be interpretted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

9) You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already no best how to do it, just do it yourself.

10) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

11) ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach, for example is a fruit NOT a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

12) If it itches it will be scratched. We do that.

13) If we ask "what's wrong" and you say "nothing" we will act as if nothing is wrong.

14) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

15) Don't ask us what we are thinking unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, and/or golf.

16) You have enough clothes

17) You have too many shoes

18) I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.