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| The One Shot Joke Thread | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 17 2006, 06:48 PM (1,274 Views) | |
| Genetic God | Dec 19 2007, 08:43 PM Post #31 |
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Part 1: One day a man with no arms showed up at a monastery, asking if there was any work. The monk thought for a while and asked if he could ring the bell in the tower by running into it with his head. The man with no arms thought he could manage that and started his new career. For several days, the man happily rang the bell. Then one day he slipped, missed the bell, and fell off the tower, plunging to his death. The local constable showed up and asked the monk if he knew the man. The monk said "No, but his face rings a bell." Part 2: Same monastery, few months later. A second man with no arms shows up and says he heard the monastery had a job for a guy with no arms (and an opening). The monk explained and the man took the jobs. He also happily rang the bell for a few days before slipping and plunging to his death. The constable showed up and asked if the monk knew the man. The monk said "No, but he's a dead ringer for the last guy." |
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| Genetic God | Dec 19 2007, 08:44 PM Post #32 |
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A man visits a monastery. At dinner he is served Fish and Chips, and they are delicious, the best he has ever eaten. He goes back into the kitchen to thank the cook, and finding someone there cooking, he asks "Are you the Fish Fryer?" To which the man replies, "No, I'm the Chip Monk". |
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| Genetic God | Dec 19 2007, 08:45 PM Post #33 |
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There once was a monastery that was very strict. Following a vow of silence, no one was allowed to speak at all. But there was one exception to this rule. Every ten years, the monks were permitted to speak just two words. After spending his first ten years at the monastery, one monk went to the head monk. "It has been ten years," said the head monk. "What are the two words you would like to speak?" "Bed... hard..." said the monk. "I see," replied the head monk. Ten years later, the monk returned to the head monk's office. "It has been ten more years," said the head monk. "What are the two words you would like to speak?" "Food... stinks..." said the monk. "I see," replied the head monk. Yet another ten years passed and the monk once again met with the head monk who asked, "What are your two words now, after these ten years?" "I... quit!" said the monk. "Well, I can see why," replied the head monk. "All you ever do is complain." |
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| Genetic God | Jan 10 2008, 10:00 PM Post #34 |
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There's a blonde,a red head and a brunette all on death row they are all out in the desert about to be executed first up is the brunette the shooter counts 4-3-2-...... and the brunette yells out "Tornado!!" everybody turns around to see the tonado and the brunette runs away next up is the red head the shooter counts 4-3-2-...... and the red head yells out "Flood!!" everybody turns around to see the Flood and the red head runs away next up is the blonde the shooter counts 4-3-2-...... and the red head yells out "Fire!!"............ |
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| Genetic God | Jan 16 2008, 08:28 PM Post #35 |
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A guy walks up to the front counter of an airline to get his boarding pass and puts his bags on the scale to measure. He says to the attendant across the counter, "I have 3 bags I need to check in. I want you to send the red one to California, the black one to Chicago, and the big one to Dallas." The attendant blinks and replies, "But sir! We simply can't do that!" The guy retorts his "why not" in a cynical manner. "Sir, your flight is to Miami, Florida and you're leaving from JFK. There's just no possible way we can send your bags going on the same plane to your destination to all those different places; it's just not possible." "WELL YOU DID IT THE LAST TIME!!" |
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| Genetic God | Dec 19 2008, 08:01 PM Post #36 |
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I just made this joke: A font tries to hit on a girl at a party. Girl: "Hey, I'm NOT your type!"
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| Genetic God | Jan 4 2009, 11:37 AM Post #37 |
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A dyslexic man walked into a bra. |
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| Genetic God | Dec 2 2009, 03:06 AM Post #38 |
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A man is walking down a beach, and accidentally kicks a bottle out of the sand. He opens the bottle, and a genie appears. The genie said, "I am so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you one wish. I can only grant one." The man thought for a while and finally said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii. I've never been able to go because airplanes are much too frightening for me and boats make me seasick. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii." The genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I can't do it. Imagine all the work involved. All the piling to hold up the highway needed and all the pavement. Ask for something else." "Well," the man said. "I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with. Basically, what makes them tick." The genie considered this for a couple of minutes and said, "So, do you want that road two lanes or four? |
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| Genetic God | May 9 2010, 11:58 AM Post #39 |
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Chief of Staff
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Wife and Husband : Effects of Upgrading
BONUS
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| Genetic God | Mar 11 2014, 05:43 PM Post #40 |
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From a pun book: What did the triangle say to the circle? You're so pointless. I heard two peanuts walked into a park... One was as-salted. I'm reading a book on anti-gravity, and its impossible to put down. Edited by Genetic God, Mar 11 2014, 05:45 PM.
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2:25 PM Jul 11