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"Dusk" (Twilight Parody) - sneak previews; The possiblebook myself and jocundthelilac are doing
Topic Started: Jan 4 2010, 04:48 PM (707 Views)
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Princess_Daisy
Jan 7 2010, 08:12 PM
So far it's very funny. I sent you a PM with suggestions. I can't wait to read more of this.
would you buy it?
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FlyingTanuki
Jan 8 2010, 03:57 AM
Princess_Daisy
Jan 7 2010, 08:12 PM
So far it's very funny. I sent you a PM with suggestions. I can't wait to read more of this.
would you buy it?
Oh so you got a publisher and editor or planning to get? If it was released in my country I'd buy it, just for the kicks. Also, only release it in English Language, the translations kill the funny jokes.
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Princess_Daisy
Jan 8 2010, 08:40 AM
FlyingTanuki
Jan 8 2010, 03:57 AM
Princess_Daisy
Jan 7 2010, 08:12 PM
So far it's very funny. I sent you a PM with suggestions. I can't wait to read more of this.
would you buy it?
Oh so you got a publisher and editor or planning to get? If it was released in my country I'd buy it, just for the kicks. Also, only release it in English Language, the translations kill the funny jokes.
Well, myself and Jocund want to get it published, and I'm looking at Virtualbookworm.com, they published the parody TwiLite (which is very funny).

I'll only get it published in English, for Spanish and French, I see no equivilents to some of the jokes and things myself and Jocund have added.
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We have more, anyone want to read it?
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There's an official Twilight parody, in the Twishite Saga which I saw at Dymmocks. I searched it up and found it again. Here's the description:


New Moan by Stephfordy Mayo

Heffa Lump is a self-centred seventeen-year-old who needs to grow up and get a life. Fortunately, the Spatula Academy of Fictional Excellence specializes in helping characters from kids' books cross over into adult fiction. Unfortunately, she's distracted from her attempts to leave adolescence behind when she meets Teddy Kelledy - an impossibly gorgeous boy who eats rare meat, is super-strong, and never goes out in daylight. Could he - just maybe - be a vampire? (Hint: totally.) Soon, Heffa finds herself harassed by supernatural forces on all sides: vampire goths peddling the deadly drug 'Emo' all over town, Jacko-worshipping zombies trying to eat her brains, and werewolves lurking in basements reading copies of Wolf Whistle. A fight is coming, and apparently she's involved...Will Heffa be able to narrate herself out of danger? Will Teddy learn that being with a girl doesn't always have to be about biting? And what will happen when the New Moan rises? "New Moan" is guaranteed to make any fan laugh out loud with its irreverent and clever take on this popular series, which is brilliantly on the nose.

It looks interesting,but I can't be bothered to buy it myself...

EDIT: I just, interestingly, found a Youtube read-through if you're interested. You could get some tips too FT. For your story that is: TwiShite - New Moan video Read Through

Peach Fan
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Peach Fan
Jan 30 2010, 08:35 PM
EDIT: I just, interestingly, found a Youtube read-through if you're interested. You could get some tips too FT. For your story that is
I don't "steal". I have my own ideas, formulated in my head, but since I'm still a student I haven't got time to write them all down.

OK, the next part is slightly x-rated, admins, feel free to censor it.

I arrived in London quicker than I thought. I got off the plane and had a Burger King at the airport. I got a Whopper and some Coke, and sat all alone, eating it. That was until, a boy of about my age, wearing a tight pink t-shirt, skinny jeans and heels walked up to me. I thought that he was gay when I first saw him. until I realised that he seemed interested in me. He then started slobbering all over my low-cut top and I got very, very angry. I whacked him one in the yarbles but he was in love with me. He sparkled like those Russians.

"Hello," he purred. "Is this seat taken?"
I looked up at him. "Nope, it's free, why do you ask?"
"You have awesome tits."
He drooled all over my boobs again, I looked at him.
"Are you horny?" I asked in suspicion.
"I fell right in love with you. Ever seen a vampire cock? I'd cut mine off for you."
I shuddered, pulled the plastic lid off my Coke and threw the rest of it at him. The Coke began to sparkle and it looked like he'd pissed himself. He started shagging me right there in the BK. Nah, just kidding, again. But he really did drool all over my boobs. Not to mention touch my crotch and begin to massage my cunt. I screamed and ran as fast as I could towards Terminal 3, which was bound for Paris.

I got on the plane, went straight to the bog and chucked up my Whopper.
"Dear God," I moaned. That guy had scared the crap out of me. I sat in the aeroplane lavvy for the rest of the flight, shitting myself with fear that he'd followed me. Little did I know how right I was. He was clinging onto the side like a gremlin, drooling all over the wing. People were queuing up outside the toilet, banging on the door and yelling at me to get out, but I was not going to leave until that plane touched down in France. I felt there was only one way out. I stuck my feet in the pan and pulled the flush. Nothing happened. I was too fat to flush myself down and out of the plane. Finally, I heard the air hostess' voice over the tannoy, announcing our landing in France. I rushed out of the plane as fast as I could and hid in the loos at the airport. I was scared in case he followed me, and wanted sexual activity. It wasn't until I was about to lock the cubicle I noticed the urinals.

"Shit," I mumbled. "Unisex toilets."
"Nah love" said this Yorkshire voice from the next cubicle. "These are the gent’s lavs"
I shrieked and looked down at my watch. My flight to Sweden was boarding in about 10 or so minutes. I ran out of the men’s and behind a palm tree for cover. I picked up the plant pot and stealthily used it to cover me. Oh, the originality. Then I heard the voice over the tannoy.
“The flight from gate 13 to Sweden is now boarding." I ran to the terminal, still covering myself with a fucking plant.
After boarding the flight to Stockholm, I couldn’t see that creepy stalker guy, so I went and took my seat. I was sitting next to someone I didn’t know, an old, dark haired man of about fifty. He smiled at me as I sat down.
“Hello,” he said, smiling and bearing many brilliant, gleaming white teeth. God how I envied him. I didn’t reply, because I was too scared. For all I knew he could be the flamboyantly dressed pervert who’d been following me since I was in London. I sat upright in the chair, scared stiff, and only relaxed when I heard the air hostess tell us we had arrived in Sweden.
Ah, Sweden. What a beautiful country it is. Full of many beautiful and interesting people. I hope you’re enjoying my rambling, it gets better as the story goes on. I also hope you’re enjoying my globetrotting experience. I certainly am not, because I’m trying to escape a sparkling pervert who’s dressed like a queer. He’s scaring me like hell. I sure hope I never see him again.

Anyway, after my arrival in Sweden, I remembered that my final flight (and possibly the shortest one) was my flight to Moscow, the capital city of Russia. Have you noticed that all the other places I travelled to were capital cities? Me neither. My flight to Moscow wasn’t for another hour, so I decided to take a stroll round the airport and see a miniscule piece of Sweden.
After walking around the same area for about forty or so minutes, I really wished that I wasn’t going to Moscow to stay with stupid old Garfield. Although, I hadn’t seen old Garf in years. Not since my mother had kicked him out because she caught him playing strip poker with my Burger King boyfriend. My flight would be boarding within the next ten minutes, and I was now sure that I was safe from any form of harm that the glittery pervert who’d tried to force his dangly bits up me in that fast food restaurant not too long ago would try to inflict upon me.
The rest of the time went by in a blur, mainly because I’d fallen asleep on the flight from Stockholm to Moscow, and because I knew you in the real world would not be enjoying the tales of my travels.
As soon as the plane touched down in Moscow, I let out a loud yell, and began to sing “Moskau” by Dschinghis Khan. Everyone else on the flight was yelling at me, telling me to shut up, but I couldn’t. I was happy, even though I’d been wanting to stay in Sweden and not be here in Moscow. I nervously undid my seatbelt and scrambled off the plane, running like a madman through the airport. I wasn’t even wanting to see Garfield, so why was I running? I really had no idea. I ran through every security gate, not showing anyone my passport or anything, until I arrived in the massive waiting bay. I barely knew what my father looked like. The last I’d seen of that man was the photograph he’d e-mailed me a few days before I left. He had long, strikingly blond hair which was tied back in a ponytail, big blue eyes which were concealed behind a pair of thick-rimmed spectacles, pale skin and many large, tombstone-like teeth. Trying to find that man was hard, because there were a lot of people in Moscow that seemed to look like that.

Just as I was about to go to security to tell them that I was lost, I heard loud, heavy footsteps behind me, and a loud booming voice calling out “Rubella, Rubella!”. I turned around. Running towards me, was my father. He looked exactly like that man in the photo. He smiled as he ran towards me.
“Rubella, sweetheart!” he said with a slight Russian accent. He was wearing a policeman’s uniform, and I was really puzzled as to why he was dressed in such bizarre attire. So I decided to ask him.
“Why are you dressed like that?”
“Never mind just now, how’s your mother? And how are my two boys?” He was jumping up and down, his long sleek hair floating elegantly.
“Mother’s fine,” I sighed, “and so are the twins.”
“That’s good sweetie.” He eyed me up curiously. “Where are your bags?”
I let out a groan. Bloody Garfield, always has to have an explanation for everything.
“I didn’t take any, because mother’s stupid boyfriend kicked me out of the car after mother had a fit because he missed the turn-in to the airport. Now please, tell me why the hell you are in a Police uniform. I thought you were a sheep-prostitute and a Cossack dancer.”
He scratched his head, then began to play with his beautiful blond hair nervously.
“I am, but I’m also a Policeman,” he said with a smile. “I’m Moscow’s ONLY Policeman.”
I shrieked. “So, you’re trying to say Moscow hasn’t got a Police force?” I said, shaking.
He laughed. “Exactly.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Oh, and I got you a really neat looking car,” he told me, obviously trying to impress me in some way or another.
I rolled my eyes again. What does Garfield classify as a “really neat looking car”? Probably a neon beach buggy, like the one I had for my Barbie dolls when I was younger.
“Where did you get it from?” I asked, the curiosity in my voice evident.
“Do you remember Bob Blue that writes “Bobby Blue’s Bumper Babysitting Magazines” and runs the local thrift shop?” he enquired.
“No. Oh wait, does he have a son, Jakob, who’s about my age?”
“The very one. His best friend is a used car salesman. He sold me a very flashy car for a very small amount of money.”
Here he goes again, with his stupid comments about him getting me a decent, modern car. I’d have to see it to believe it myself.
We went for a bite to eat at a small airport café, then Garfield dragged me forcibly by my weak left arm out of the airport.
“You’re gonna love Russia!” exclaimed Garfield as he pulled me along and out of the crowded airport.
“I’m already warming up to it,” I sighed, sarcastically, my arm hurting from Garfield’s forceful tugging.
He pulled me harder than he had done inside the building towards a small blue car with a neon green stripe across it. I shuddered. That must be my new car. It was hideous! I wouldn’t be seen dead driving such a vehicle. I had no idea what to say to him, so I just smiled weakly.
“Hop in!” he yelled across to me, as he jumped into the drivers side of the car. I was now confused. So this was not my car? I clambered into the passenger side, and looked at Garfield.
“So this isn’t my car?” I asked as soon as I was in. “Because I had a feeling it was.”
Garfield laughed. “No silly, this is my Police car.”
I let out a sigh of relief as I did up my seatbelt. I was still curious as to what the car that Garfield had acquired from Bob Blue looked like. I would just have to wait and see.

The drive to Garfield’s house was horrendous. Garfield yapped the whole way home about his fleecy clients, and the various girlfriends he’d had. I never knew Cossack dancers were seen as “sexy”, until Garfield told me.
“You know Rubella,” he said. “Cossack dancers are the sexiest dancers in the world. Even sexier than strippers and pole dancers.”
“Really?” I asked. The idiot was probably lying and boasting, to make himself sound important. He probably was important in some way or another, judging by the fact that he was Mosow’s only Policeman. He had some folk music station on the radio, and was singing along to every song on the radio. I didn’t know he spoke Russian, so I decided to ask.
“You speak Russian, Garf?”
He nodded, as if to say “Why the hell didn’t you know?”. I really didn’t know, but then I remembered that he’d lived in Moscow for ten or so years. Then he shot me a warning glance, as if to tell me “Don’t you call me Garf. It’s either Dad or Garfield.”
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I wasn't telling you to steal >:[ I was just saying you could get some ideas from it. And you know, mimickry is the best form of flattery... or some cr*p like that.

Peach Fan
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Orange-Fire
Royal Servant
[[ *  *  * ]
Great chapter as always FT.

That sheep prostitute line is hilarious.
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Orange-Fire
Feb 5 2010, 11:44 AM
Great chapter as always FT.

That sheep prostitute line is hilarious.
And cossak dancers are SEXEH
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