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Untitled
Topic Started: Jan 18 2008, 03:22 AM (219 Views)
DayDreamer
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yeah i love jonas brothers..got a problem
OHH....C'est Tres...ummm..yeah it's very interesting...I want to read more, these seem like very interesting characters, and very possible BTW, you shouldn't ever apoligize for a piece of work that came from within your head, if people don't like personal stories they will get over it, whatever is easier for you to write, makes the story so much more fun to read! :jump:
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DayDreamer
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yeah i love jonas brothers..got a problem
aww it just keeps getting cuter and cuter...it's so great, and wow..it's just an amazing story, i really really love it..
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Riss
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Where we gonna go from here?
Thanks....
Although, seeing as it's so personal, it's hard to write this story when I'm mad at the person this is about... "Andrew"... And so I might not be getting anything done for awhile.
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DayDreamer
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yeah i love jonas brothers..got a problem
oh..that's to bad...hopefully the anger will subside, and you will be able to forgive him for whatever he did..unless it was totally awful of course..
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Riss
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Where we gonna go from here?
No... Nothing awful. I'm working on my story now, I'm just not getting so into it, like I usually can.
He's been having mood swings lately. :\

Anyways. I dunno if anybody wanted this, but I've got pictures of some of the people my characters are based off of.

Melody.
Chloe.
Elyzabeth.
Charlie.
Andrew.
Andrew Campel.
(I haven't posted the part(s) with him in it yet.)
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Esaul
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Quote:
 
It was the last day of school. I rolled out of bed, hurrying my daily procedures, as I normally had. Nearing the end of the first semester I started getting sick of school. I was getting up around seven and I was almost always getting to school after the bell to be heading to class, or the tardy bell, sometimes even. Of course, I never felt beautiful, but it was hard to get out of bed. I’d sometimes feel really sick if I didn’t get enough sleep, and I didn’t go to school those days. Of course, I got a load of crap from my brothers about it, they didn’t think I was actually sick, but I didn’t really care.


That was awkward and a bit out of place...

Reading the prologue and getting into the first few paragraphs I realized it doesn't make sense at all...


also with Andrew being there that's rather random and unusual, especially so early in the story.

finally you are either missing words here and there or used the wrong form.
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Riss
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Where we gonna go from here?
Yep.
The prologue: is not the beginning of the story, like it probably seems.
But it's part of the story... I dunno how else to explain it.

And that line isn't really out of place- I did edit that bit earlier today though... It's meaning that I don't have time to do anything special... But that whole part got taken out so yeah...

And I know, I have a LOT or grammer and spelling errors.
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Esaul
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when i get time i will go through and see what i can do for editing if you want
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Riss
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Where we gonna go from here?
Okay. :)
Maybe you'll find something I haven't.
(More than likely, actually).

Thanks.
Edit: Actually... You should wait until I post my edited version of the story.
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DayDreamer
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yeah i love jonas brothers..got a problem
hmm...i was to wrapped up in the story to notice anything, and when i did i just guessed what you really meant lol
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Esaul
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I'm sorry but I'm really disgusted with the story, though it isn't your fault. It isn't your writing at all, it is wonderful. I'm enjoying it a lot. It's just the age bothers me since I love the law and what not. STATUTORY RAPE AHHH! xD
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Riss
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Where we gonna go from here?
Oh pfft.
It's not rape...
Nobody's having sex. oO
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Esaul
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still is wrong for a minor and an adult xD
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Riss
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Where we gonna go from here?
*shrugs*
I guess.. if you love somebody enough... you wouldn't really think twice about it...
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DayDreamer
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yeah i love jonas brothers..got a problem
i really like it Riss, and if the whole age thing actually mattered half of our parents wouldn't be together..you wanna hear illegal, my mother was sixteen when she was pregnant for my older brother..my dad if five years older......ANYWAY..keep the story coming..it's lovely
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