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real.; love poem
Topic Started: Nov 30 2007, 04:00 AM (178 Views)
Deleted User
Deleted User

what i can remember
is alot like rain
trickling down on to the ground
of the most delightful colors
i can't quite put my
mind to the beauty
that i became like ... this

youll see, i'm the Brightest girl
you will ever meet
and yet i feel like nothing
at the thought of you
really seeing me
i think my heart is wrapped around
and tangled up in a cage
like a bird

but i don't wanna go on living
being so afraid of showing
my love my.. imperfections
even though my feet are trembling
and every word i say comes stumbling
i will tell it all.. watch me spill everything
everything at your knees

these hands that i hold
behind my back are
bound and broken by my own doing
and i can't feel
anything, anymore
i need a love to save me and make me feel
like i'm still real..

my soul
it's dying to be free
dying to tell you how i feel but
i'm so guarded
it's up to me to choose..
what kind of life i lead.

cause i don't wanna go on living
being so afraid of showing
my love my.. imperfections
even though my feet are trembling
and every word i say comes stumbling
i will tell it all.. watch me spill everthing
everything at your knees

i will show you
i will spill

how much i love you
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Esaul
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Administrator
This is an interesting piece of work. I like the repetition you used. It was effective and well thought out. A decent length poem that has some potential. Maybe editing it a bit with some more description could help. But of course this is a matter of opinion and you do not have to go with what I say.
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Midnight_92
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Joeys Girl <3
Its meaningful, I like it!
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la-vida-loca
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Sometimes I think I was born backwards...
omg it's totally incredible! so raw, i love it! :wub:


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Ben Zwycky
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Fearsome Fleet Leader :D
Very powerful and well expressed thoughts, very good, though the poetic structure could do with a little work, just my opinion.
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