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| real.; love poem | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 30 2007, 04:00 AM (178 Views) | |
| Deleted User | Nov 30 2007, 04:00 AM Post #1 |
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Deleted User
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what i can remember is alot like rain trickling down on to the ground of the most delightful colors i can't quite put my mind to the beauty that i became like ... this youll see, i'm the Brightest girl you will ever meet and yet i feel like nothing at the thought of you really seeing me i think my heart is wrapped around and tangled up in a cage like a bird but i don't wanna go on living being so afraid of showing my love my.. imperfections even though my feet are trembling and every word i say comes stumbling i will tell it all.. watch me spill everything everything at your knees these hands that i hold behind my back are bound and broken by my own doing and i can't feel anything, anymore i need a love to save me and make me feel like i'm still real.. my soul it's dying to be free dying to tell you how i feel but i'm so guarded it's up to me to choose.. what kind of life i lead. cause i don't wanna go on living being so afraid of showing my love my.. imperfections even though my feet are trembling and every word i say comes stumbling i will tell it all.. watch me spill everthing everything at your knees i will show you i will spill how much i love you |
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| Esaul | Nov 30 2007, 04:05 AM Post #2 |
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Administrator
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This is an interesting piece of work. I like the repetition you used. It was effective and well thought out. A decent length poem that has some potential. Maybe editing it a bit with some more description could help. But of course this is a matter of opinion and you do not have to go with what I say. |
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| Midnight_92 | Dec 1 2007, 09:21 PM Post #3 |
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Joeys Girl <3
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Its meaningful, I like it! |
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| la-vida-loca | Dec 3 2007, 02:39 PM Post #4 |
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Sometimes I think I was born backwards...
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omg it's totally incredible! so raw, i love it!
:wub: |
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| Ben Zwycky | Dec 9 2007, 01:20 PM Post #5 |
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Fearsome Fleet Leader :D
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Very powerful and well expressed thoughts, very good, though the poetic structure could do with a little work, just my opinion. |
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2:49 PM Jul 11
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2:49 PM Jul 11