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Past Reflection
Topic Started: Jan 24 2008, 11:11 PM (214 Views)
dreamcatcher
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Hello, My name is Alana
Im new and i want to know what you think of a poem i wrote.
I hope you like it.



In your blue eyes, I see your fear. In your reflection I see my fading lines .The hope that once flourished in your soul, sucked by the hatred that you carry. In the emptiness and silence of night you shed your tears, ready for rain. Each memory you shed flashed in front of you as a reminder of a golden age. The flashes of light wallow in a nowhere land, dug in a sea of holes. I hear your unbelieving heart fall to it’s knees, pray for an angel, and my brain telling you the fool you have become. I suffer as I watch you drown only looking for a shadow of hope, that lets you reach the water line for one last gulp of air. I hold you steady as the storm convulse with all its fury and you with all yours. Wondering when the abyss will empty and my past fade. For each memory to expire and each tear to dry. I will catch you with your tired mind and achy body. But will you catch me with my heart worn and faith vanished.
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Alp

[size=0]I think it's extremely lovely. There could be a little tweaking so that it flowed a little better (even for free-verse), but I thought it was phenomenal. You're so cool.[/size]
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CalmB4TheStorm
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Incredible Llama

i love it
But i think you mean
a. convulsES
and
b. i think achy would be better at aching, make it active, it sounds a little better




ily
its amazing
you should put each different thought on a different line, though, that makes it a poem.
lol
AMAZING
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The Phantom
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Very nice, Alana. ^.^ I think it's lovely.

Btw, glad to see you joined and welcome to WD.
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RYUK
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I really liked your poem Alana. I could feel the emotions, which is what makes it a good poem.

Alana Rocks! :jam:

Love ya, Ludy
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Samanthasammy224
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Sammie
I like ur pome Alana. One question is it about someone close to you?

Love Ya,
Donnelly
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la-vida-loca
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Sometimes I think I was born backwards...
breathtaking. :thumb:
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Esaul
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Administrator
i like the poem itself, just not the format. muy bien!
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